Learn to be Lonely

It's kind of hard to explain why this headline shows here. But I hope it's just a temporary situation that will disappear soon.

Long distance relationship is always a very difficult one among all kinds of relationship. Lucky me, I'm in that situation for the most of my relationships. Maybe it's just because I'm too independent and busy, I seldom asked my partners to do anything for me, especially when we were parted. And that gave them the impression that I'm very strong and do not need extra care.

Yes, I tried to be strong. Not pretending, but really became stronger. However, there were still days that I felt lonely away from my loved ones. I would not tell them that I didn't feel good, because that would only make them worry about me. Thus, I had to "Learn to be Lonely."

Recently, Richard came to Boston to attend a conference. I am very happy that he could make it to the U.S. because he always wanted to go to that conference and also go back to MIT and Harvard to attend the fellowship reunion. I am also happy that we're now in the same country and being closer, geographically. However, he was sick before he departed from Germany and was getting more and more serious when he arrived in Boston. He did write me emails and call me to not to worry too much about him. But still, I'm a nervous person and want to know if he has been better or not. I called him several times yesterday but couldn't get through him. That made me more anxious!! Suddenly, I found myself so lonely and I put too much attention on Richard that I could not concentrate on other things!!!

I felt sad and angry about myself that I couldn't stay the way I was as he was in Germany. Even though he's now in Boston, he's still 3000 miles away from me!!! I should not be that excited and lose control of my emotion.....

So, I should go back to my normal life and stay the way we used to communicate with each other. I'll be fine in a few days!!